Coctails

One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.

James Thurber

Happiness is a dry martini and a good woman ... or a bad woman.

George Burns

Zen martini: A martini with no vermouth at all. And no gin, either.

P.J. O'Rourke

If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.

Dean Martin

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

Phyllis Diller

I like to drink martinis. Two at the most. Three I'm under the table, four I'm under the host.

Dorothy Parker

The martini: the only American invention as perfect as the sonnet.

H. L. Mencken

He knows just how I like my martini - full of alcohol.

Homer Simpson

Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat, hairy girls.

Ross Levy

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

Frank Zappa

Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.

Jack Handy

Prohibition is better than no liquor at all.

Will Rogers

Ok, class, today we'll be sitting quietly with the lights off, because teacher has a hangover.

Edna Krabappel

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed.

Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the

brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer,

they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.

Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this beer and

let their dreams come true than to be selfish and worry about my liver.

Jack Handy

I've always believed that paradise will have my favorite beer on tap.

Rudyard Wheatley

The best way to die is sit under a tree, eat lots of bologna and salami, drink a case of beer, then blow up.

Art Donovan

To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

Homer Simpson

Oh, well, of course, everything looks bad if you remember it.

Homer Simpson

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.

Homer Simpson

Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure ... not even close.

Homer Simpson

You can't seriously want to ban alcohol. It tastes great, makes women appear more attractive, and makes a person virtually invulnerable to criticism.

Mayor Quimby

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors ... and miss.

Robert A. Heinlein

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?

Henny Youngman

I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it.

Raymond Chandler

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

W.C. Fields

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

Dave Barry

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

Henny Youngman

I saw a notice that said "Drink Canada Dry" and I've just started.

Brendan Behan

I try not to drink too much because when I'm drunk, I bite.

Bette Midler

The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of you glass.

Martin Mull

..comming soon...